Mr. Don’t Lie to me

So this story, this story is the story I’m most ashamed to share. It’s a bit of a confession too but the person that owns the confession won’t read it anyway, because he doesn’t read anything I write. That’s good…?

I met Emeka online, on a dating app. One of the question prompts on my profile was, “What do you value most in a relationship?” and I answered, “Honesty.”

When we matched, our connection already expired because I wasn’t that interested in replying. I was only there because my SO had gotten us into another stupid fight again. I don’t remember the details of that fight right now.

Also, I hadn’t seen said SO in like two months (this is why long distance is not for me).

Well Emeka extended the time on our connection and this caught my attention. I texted him, “You must really want to talk to me.”

Oh he wasn’t shy in confirming this at all.

We talked a lot, we had been talking for only a few days when he said he’d like to invite me for his birthday. He stayed at a different state and he’d cover my flight to and fro, accommodation and feeding. He said I didn’t need to stay with him, he only wanted me around. His birthday was supposed to be the next month. This trip never happened, we didn’t last that long.

He told me about how his ex cheating on him had gotten him suicidal and asked that I never lie to him.

He asked me if I was in a relationship, I was honest, I told him I had a sex buddy. Well that wasn’t absolute honesty, it was more than sex but it was also something my SO refused to put  a name on. This was how I justified the actions I took next.

Emeka told me that he wasn’t actually home at the time, he was in a different state, with his parents, one closer to me. He was supposed to leave in like two weeks but he felt that since it was so close, I could just come visit there.

Emeka wanted me to drop my “sex buddy”. He wanted to claim me. He wanted me to be fully committed to him & me I didn’t understand why he was in such a rush. He felt that seeing me earlier would help me understand just how serious he was.

I told Emeka that he was being very impulsive. It was a Wednesday night, he wanted to see me on Friday. We hadn’t been talking for up to two weeks.

I told Emeka that I didn’t think I could afford a trip at all at the time. I couldn’t just go to a totally strange place empty handed. Emeka said he’d take care of everything. I insisted that it was a bad idea.

I found an excuse to tell my mom on that Friday and I made the trip. One weekend. He put me up in a nice hotel, he stayed with me that night, before I woke up, he was gone.

We were texting and he kept insisting that he’d be back soon. At around noon, the hotel called to know if we were checking out. I said we weren’t, Emeka and I had planned for the weekend.

I called him, he said he was doing something for his mom, he’d be done soon. 2pm, 3pm… I hadn’t had anything to eat. I let him know this. He said he was coming. The hotel food was scary expensive. I didn’t know my way around and I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to find the place again if I left so I stayed in. There wasn’t even water in the room.

The hotel moved me to another room because they had some work to do in the one I was occupying. I called him to tell him these. He came in the evening, frowning, then had the guts to ask me what the problem was.

I told him that he had basically abandoned me. I had gone through so many freakouts about how I’d pay the hotel bills and take myself home.

He started talking about how I didn’t understand what he was dealing with. He talked about how his mom called his sister to report him for whatever and the sister called to scream at him… I did not care!!! Jesus effing Christ! Are you a child?! I don’t care what your mommy has to say, no offense, because you need a certain level of separation from your parents and family to actually be able to want to seriously get involved with someone romantically.

“Oh let’s go out.” and you say, “No, my mommy said… My sister said…”
Is that what I want to hear?!

I did not care at all. As far as I was concerned, his major priority for that weekend was me. You invited me to a foreign city, totally unfamiliar to me, I had absolutely no other reason to be there besides you, I told you it wasn’t something I could afford at the time, and you insisted, then you starve me?! You abandon me?!

See I haven’t forgiven that young man. This recollection is even making me angrier.

I had told him that he was being impulsive. Now he was telling me that he wasn’t even sure how he was going to pay for the room since he didn’t have money anymore. Oh I wasn’t even thinking about food and water at this point or the fact that there was no toothpaste in the room.

He had left his bag in the room, some gigantic backpack that contained whatever, including a huge speaker. I think my first point of disgust with him was when he told me that he took that speaker everywhere and played music and didn’t care what others thought. There aren’t many things I hate as much as I hate loud music. Use your ear piece!!! But no, he’d rather listen aloud.

I told him that the solution I had found was that I’d just sell his speaker. That thing must have cost a small fortune. Yes, it looked that big and serious.

Well when he was leaving, he left with it. He left with all he had dropped in the room. His visit didn’t last 30mins.

I ordered room service with the only money I was with because it’s somebody that is alive that can think. I needed to think about how to get out.

I’d use a loan app. I’d just borrow and pay and sort it out later, somehow. That was the solution I had thought up.

I slept alone, cried myself to sleep because how was I so stupid and trusting. In the morning I called him to come and take me to the bus park. I called him several times before he actually showed up. Telling me about how there was tension with the issues at home or whatever, I did not care.

When I saw him that morning, it was like the veil had been lifted. I felt utterly disgusted by the sight of him. What had I actually seen in him? Why was he so slow? Why couldn’t he walk quickly? Why did they had to ask him to repeat himself several times before he could be heard? What was that outfit?

Thankfully he paid. He took me to the park, stood on the queue for my state and asked me to buy a ticket. I asked him to give me money, he said he didn’t have any. I asked what he’d do then, since I had to get home.

What he did was stand around and lean against whatever, looking lost. I was so irritated! I just asked him to leave. He was doing absolutely nothing for me anyway.

I called my SO, told him I had done something awful but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what. I am a terrible person because while I was on my way to see this boy, my SO was on his was to see me and I had to find some excuse as to why I couldn’t see him that weekend. Although he wasn’t blameless in this situation.

I didn’t tell him so I called a friend that sent me the bus fare so I was able to get on. When I returned to my city, I was so happy to see it. I had never been happier to be home.

Then I called Emeka who hadn’t thought it necessary to make sure that I was alright at any point during the trip. He didn’t pick up, so I sent him a series of texts explaining just how he’d wronged me so terribly.

This is a confession because I never did tell my SO. Only my dearest and truest friends, and now you. The stupidest thing I have done for a boy.